Best of Somali Pirate Ransom Letters

My friend Emma shared with me that, when she received spam emails, she thought of myself and famed author and intellectual, Dr. Jonathan “Sir Teacup” Rogers. I suppose this has something to do with this stuff. I have been pining for the hilarious Best of Spam series to return to this blog (not to be confused, I guess, with the so-called “Best of Sam” content), but in the meantime, we have the next best (or better?) thing: Somali Ransom Letters. They have taken to writing these wonderful missives to the former and proper owners of their booty. This from Reuters:

The cover sheet, in memo format, is addressed “To Whom It May Concern” with the subject line “Congratulations to the Company/Owner.”

“Having seen when my Pirate Action Group (P.A.G) had controlled over your valuable vessel we are saying to you Company/Owner welcome to Jamal’s Pirate Action Group (J.P.A.G) and you have to follow by our law to return back your vessel and crew safely,” the memo begins.

“Do not imagine that we are making to you intimidation,” the memo says, before signing off with “Best regards” and the signature of Jamal Faahiye Culusow, the General Commander of the Group.

Lest there be any doubt about who Jamal is or what he does, his signature is accompanied by his seal — yes, Jamal has a stamped s e al — depicting a skull and crossed swords with the name of the group.

That’s almost spamtastic.

HT: Emma Chmura and NPR


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