Fitzpatrick Start Just More Marketing for Twilight Series?

Is it just me or does America feel like the Twilight Zone?

I’m not talking about the weird things happening on Capitol Hill, where, if I’m not mistaken, a bazillion dollar bill to regulate who is allowed to push the buttons on elevators is working its way through congress –with long-overdue penalties for those who push the buttons after they are already lighted up.

I’m talking about this Twilight book-movie series thing. I can’t even get a Whopper without seeing these sultry Goths and angsty teens gracing the packaging. I’ll never see ketchup the same way again.

I haven’t read any of the books, but like many Atheists, I feel totally qualified to judge them. I was going to hold off my criticism, but today these vampires drew blood when they encroached on the decision-making of the NFL’s coaches.

I’m pretty sure that the Buffalo Bills started Ryan Fitzpatrick only because he looks like that hunky vampire called (and yes, I had to look this up just now) Edward.

 fitzEdward2

Are the Bills officially “Team Edward” now? What is going on? It’s not like the Bills’ decisions are based on football. They haven’t had a good team since many, many new moons ago.

Consider me outraged. Barking at the…nevermind.

Note: Maybe I’m bitter because I have one reader for every one-bazillion reader of the Twilight series.

4 Comments

  1. From what I’ve heard, it’s not necessarily “edward’s” looks that matter, but rather his ability to shoot steamy glances across rooms at protagonists that 12 year old girls can identify with.

    Can Fitzpatrick also shoot those glances? If so, perhaps it’s an effective tactic on the field — I’d be thrown off my game if a man shot me a steamy glance…

    I mean, I think… I guess I’ve never been shot a steamy glance before.

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