Retiring an Old Standard, Shredding a Standard, Substandard Twitfad, Standard Mullet Wedding? Not So Fast

Item: The secret to my success, I once thought, was in my ability to do a certain joke. There’s this situationally humorous operation. It goes like this. You happen into a situation where you find a man with piles of bananas in his hands, so many he is dropping them. You ask, with a straight face of course, “Hey, do you have any bananas?” You can change the thing to fit whatever circumstances. Basically you ask for whatever is in abundance. It was gold for me for years. But is it just me, or is this little maneuver getting really dumb? I am thinking I shall chuck the entire enterprise. Kind of a sad day, but one must move on. Stiff upper lip.

Item: Shred, White and Blue?

Item: I hate it with a passion, strongly dislike, get mildly annoyed when people who I think I’m better than do posts on Twitter, or FB, where they say “Dear  Whoever, please stop this or that. Thanks.” It could be, “Dear KFC, please hire some one who can take an order, Thanks,” or any number of smarmy things, but the “Dear..Please..Thanks” pattern is constant. My feeling? “Dear people who do that, please stop. Thanks.” I want to continue to be the biggest snob around.

Item: The happiest day of our lives…on drugs?

Fin.

8 Comments

  1. That last pic, is that them from the future looking down on themselves in the present (or past)? Or them from the beyond saying, “Enjoy it now. You die on the way to your honeymoon.”

    Either way, that’s probably the creepiest wedding pic I’ve ever seen.

  2. Dear Travis,
    Please don’t challenge me, because I want to feel superior to people and go on being a huge snob.
    Thanks, Sam

    (Actually, I altered the content of this post because I realized it was giving away how stuck up I really am and that cannot be allowed out.)

  3. Dear Sam,

    Please desist from the use of “strike-through” formatting. It’s annoying.

    Love,
    Andrew (note the modification of the pattern? I’m an innovator and, therefore, better than you)

  4. Dear Sam, I also feel sad, insecure, and might I add very offended that you should put down a practice that I just did – like – three days ago on Facebook. Are you picking on me specifically? Is this about the fruit flies? Because they were annoying and deserved public humiliation, darn it. Plus, we who use the “Dear..Please..Thanks” pattern are merely servants of society in helping to keep the art of letter-writing alive in an age of communication degradation, in which people LOL more than they actually laugh out loud. So there. Yours truly, Aaron

    PS – Some of this letter may be contrived and/or exaggerated.

    CC: Travis, Andrew

  5. Andrew Mackay, I’ll strike-through you.

    Aaron Roughton, you lovable old fuzzball.

    Katherine, You, are welcome.

    Dear Aaron Outraged, I repent. Please forgive me.
    Thanks, Sam.

    Not.

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