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Where I visit myself at age 8, with an aside involving the word “French”

Eight-year old Sam would probably kick thirty-two year-old Sam’s rear (excuse my French) if he heard him say how much he liked the vegetables in last night’s meal.

Also, “Excuse my French” is a great phrase.

If I was a woman and I was married to some dude named French, I would entice him to say outlandish things in public just so I could take his arm and say “Please, excuse my French. He’s a bit of an idiot.”

Who says I can’t empathize with female characters? Stop saying that.

Back to eight-year old Sam. Man, you have thick hair. Don’t worry. Yes, your beard will come in. Yes, you did end up being a writer. Yes, you have kissed a girl. But, please have a seat. About professional basketball…

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